Friends With Ex Boyfriend Girlfriend

What to Do If Your Ex Only Wants to Be Friends - Not Lovers

Okay, so the breakup already happened. And before walking away, your ex boyfriend or girlfriend said those five little words that immediately made you wince:

"We can still be friends..."

Friends After Breakup

Confused? Sure you are. Conflicted? Hell yes.

That said, what you do right now is HUGELY important.

How you react to your ex's suggestion of friendship can easily determine whether or not the relationship can be saved, and it can even turn the tide and shift control back in your favor if you handle it correctly.

You must must MUST know what to do when your ex boyfriend or girlfriend offers to stay friends, because taking this situation in the wrong direction can have disasterous results.

Do the wrong thing, and you can quickly drop you right into the dreaded FRIEND ZONE... never to return again.

So no matter what? Put aside your feelings.

Put aside your need for contact, and your desperate desire to stay in your ex's life "in any way possible" thinking this will somehow help you get them back.

First, let's go over the reasons your ex wants to remain friends in the first place:

• So they can keep tabs on you, and what you do next.

• So they can string you along a bit, just in case they want you back.

• So they can let you go little by little, over time, making things easier for them.

Losing someone all at once is hard. Your ex knows this. Remaining "friends" - or even pretending that they want to - is your ex's way of achieving gradual detachment. And this is NOT what you want, because it's counterproductive to making your ex actually miss you.

Breakup Reversed

Knowing they can have you back any time they want to is comforting to your ex. Suggesting you stay friends is a great way for your ex to keep you at arm's length - and in plain sight - so they can see what you're doing, who you're hanging out with, and whether or not you're still chasing after them (and thus boosting their confidence to keep the breakup going).

Exactly What to Say To Your Ex Boyfriend or Girlfriend

When your ex gives you the old "let's stay friends" speech, the correct response is easy.

You simply tell them NO.

You have to refuse the post-breakup friendship, but you also have to do it calmly. Casually. Cooly, and without any type of emotional resentment on your part.

You need to apply TOTAL indifference here. Shrug if you have to. And then tell your ex:

"Sorry, the friendship thing is a bad idea. I love you much more than that, and there's no way I can pretend not to have those feelings."

Your ex will be pretty taken aback by this, at which point you say:

"If I can't be your boyfriend/girlfriend, I can't be your buddy. It's best that we both move on and do our own thing, so I wish you luck."

The first thing that happens here is confusion on your ex's part. They fully expected you to nod your head and agree to stay friends, and now you're refusing them.

Your boyfriend or girlfriend knows you still love them. "Let's be friends" is the life preserver they threw you as a quick bone, right after dumping you. And here you are telling them "no thanks", and swimming in the opposite direction.

Refusing to Be Your Ex's Friend - What Happens Next

Halting and reversing the momentum of your breakup

When you decide not to be friends with your ex, several things happen. One of the first and most important of those things, is that you've seized back a little bit of control.

Control Breakup

Suddenly, your boyfriend or girlfriend hasn't made all the decisions when it comes to the breakup. You've just reversed the roles a bit, and actually broken the friendship off yourself. That one little decision gave you some power again, which is a great thing to have when you already feel powerless.

Another thing that happens? Your ex suddenly becomes a little less sure of him or herself. Their master plan for how the breakup should go down now has a pretty big wrinkle in it, and things didn't go exactly the way your boyfriend or girlfriend wanted them to.

Also very crucial: your ex will feel rejected. By shrugging off the friendship you've literally rejected your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, in many ways giving them a taste of their own breakup. And as you already know, that taste is bitter.

All of these things put together will eventually make your ex start to question the breakup. Maybe not right away, but in time? It will eat away at your boyfriend or girlfriend that, for some very strange reason, you refused to be friends with them.

Your ex might even struggle to come up with a few reasons why you should stay friendly or in contact with one another. When this happens, you've got them. Push your advantage even further by shaking your head firmly and walking away. Unless your ex is willing to reverse the breakup right then and there, you don't want any form of communication with them at all. That goes for text-messages, emails, phone calls, and anything else.

When you've dropped COMPLETELY from your ex's life? That's exactly when they'll start to miss you. And denying friendship after the breakup is only a small part of the getting your ex back process.

How to Go From Friends to Lovers Again

What to do if you've already become "just friends" with your ex

Sometimes, you mess up. And chances are good you've already made more than a handful of mistakes on the path to getting back together with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend.

So if you've already agreed to be on friendly terms after the breakup? You're in a tough spot... but luckily there are a few ways you can get out of it.

How you start depends upon how much contact you still have with your ex:

• Your Ex Still Talks to or Text-Messages You on a Regular Basis

In this case, your boyfriend or girlfriend is already showing some of the many signs they still have feelings for you. Learn to spot these signs, so you can gauge exactly how far from reconciliation you really are.

To get out of the friend zone, immediately stop calling, writing, or texting your ex. If they're the ones who contact you, stop taking their calls and don't answer any of their messages.

Not hearing from you will get your ex curious. When you don't call them back for a while, your ex will be instantly worried.

Finally, after a day or two of this, take the next phone call. Calmly tell your ex:

"Sorry, things have changed for me. Being your 'friend' is not working out, and I need to do my own thing. So do you."

Again, you're ripping yourself out of your ex's life. Even if they get angry, hang up, or act all pissy at what you're saying here, it's all a GOOD thing. You're showing your ex that you won't be sitting around waiting for them forever, like some lame desperate asshole. You're moving on with a life of your own.

Remember: your ex will keep you in limbo for as long as you let them. And not a moment later.

• You Haven't Heard From or Spoken to Your Ex in a While

If this is the situation, you have to take more drastic and immediate action. This comes as a result of not being proactive enough in getting your ex back, and therefore it requires you to do something... and quick.

The first thing to do is create a handwritten detachment letter. Watching the 3-minute movie found here will give you all you need to know about writing and sending this letter to your ex.

Remember: NO apologies. Right now you need to spark your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend's interest in you again, but you also need their respect. And you can't get respect from your knees, by saying you're sorry all the time.

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The Magic of Making Up