Ex Wants to Be Friends

Is it a Good Sign if Your Ex Wants to Stay Friends With You?

"I still want us to be friends..."

Awww... now doesn't that just sound so awesome? I mean hey - your relationship's ended, and your ex wants nothing to do with dating you anymore. But the big consolation prize? You still get to be friends with them... as if that makes everything all better.

Stay Friends After Breakup

But of course, you don't want to be friends with your ex. You want much, MUCH more.

You want the relationship you once had, and you desperately want your ex boyfriend or girlfriend to love you the way they used to.

So what happens next? You agree. Because right now, the thought of losing your boyfriend or girlfriend for good is WAY too final. You're not ready to let go, and so you're willing to cling to any last shred of hope you might have of getting back together... even if that shred of hope involves pretending to be friends with your ex.

By sticking 'around', you get to stay in your ex's life. (Or so you think, anyway).

In becoming your ex's friend, you don't have to let them go... and maybe, just maybe, you can work yourself back into the romantic picture. You'll think:

"If I can stay friends with my ex boyfriend or girlfriend, they'll eventually realize how much I love them."

And crap like:

"If I still get to talk to my ex, I can convince them how much of a mistake the breakup really is...

In your mind, this is your not-so-great reasoning. You're rationalizing future contact. In your broken heart, you're convincing yourself that you can somehow work BACK to being lovers again... if only you can stay around after the breakup.

So yeah, being friends with your ex sounds pretty good... the way a glass of water sounds good to someone who's been stranded in the desert. And after all, why let the breakup ruin a potentially good friendship?

In the end, you'll convince yourself of a good many things. For one, that this pseudo-friendship is only a temporary place. And more importantly, that you can launch back into a romantic relationship with your ex as soon as possible. Right?

WRONG. Because unfortunately for you, you're missing a few key details.

Reasons Why an Ex Wants to Stay Friends (The Bad News)

The cold hard truth about being friendly after your breakup

Alright, the bad news first.

• Your boyfriend or girlfriend really doesn't want to be friends.

No matter how they'll tell you differently, what they really want is to be left alone (for now). So don't expect to go out for ice cream, watch movies together, or think you're going to talk or text on the phone like a couple anymore. It's just not going to happen.

Post-breakup friendship is horribly awkward in the best of situations. And in the worst? Your ex will be avoiding you, shunning you, and refusing your every suggestion to 'see' them, talk to them, or whatever. And yes, even if they're the one who brought up the subject of staying friends in the first place.

Oh, an another thing:

• Your ex might've used the "let's be friends" thing to let you down gently.

As bad as the breakup speech was for you, it was twice as awkward for your ex. So in an effort to deliver the news quickly and get out of there as fast as possible? Some lovers will slide the whole "friends" thing in there as a distraction, so they can make their escape.

In this case, your ex is breaking up with no real intention of seeing you again. They know that it will be much easier to ignore you later on - by simply not answering or returning your calls - than it is to ignore you right now, face to face.

The above indications are bad news if you want your ex back. However, there are ways of knowing how your ex really feels that can cut through all the temporary walls they might be putting up. Learn how to tell what's going on in your ex's head, and you'll gain a distinct advantage in manipulating their emotions later on.

The Good News About Your Ex Wanting to Stay Friends

Learning whether or not your ex has ulterior motives

Okay there's some good news too, so let's talk about that.

• 'Staying friends' might be your ex's way of still keeping you around.

In some cases, your boyfriend or girlfriend will use friendship as a safety net. By asking you to stay friendly - in in touch with them - what they're doing is leaving the door to the relationship just a little bit open... in case they need it again.

This is a great sign, because it could indicate your ex isn't ready to lose you completely. Sure, they're cutting you loose for now, but in the back of his or her mind your ex wants to know you're still there if they want you.

The reason this happens is simple: your ex isn't sure of their decision yet. They might be trying on the breakup to see if it 'fits', with the option to return it if need be.

Remember: breaking up is hard for both parties involved. Even though your boyfriend or girlfriend initiated the end of your relationship, that doesn't necessarily mean they were 100% finished with the relationship. Your ex will go through an adjustment period of not seeing or hearing from you, just as you will.

The important thing? Making sure you make all the right opening moves after your boyfriend or girlfriend dumps you.

Finally, we need to talk about feelings and attachment. Because:

• Even in the cleanest of breakups, residual feelings will always be there.

Whenever you have a long-term relationship, feelings, emotions, and attachments will develop. And upon breaking up? These feelings and attachments don't just up and disappear like magic: they take a little time to fade away.

Ex Misses You

So what happens in almost every breakup? The person ending the relationship - in this case your ex - will do something important to making the breakup a more permanent decision: your ex boyfriend or girlfriend will immediately bury their existing feelings for you in an attempt to move on.

Unfortunately, your ex has a bit of a head start. He or she made the decision to break up with you days or even weeks ago, and that's how long they've had to start letting go of their feelings. But in the end, it's always easier to bury, shelve, or try to ignore whatever emotions remain. They'll do this by trying to be as cold, distant, and clinical about the break as possible.

THIS is why your ex isn't talking to you.

THIS is why your ex is pushing you away right now, and ignoring your calls.

And most important of all? THIS is where you can use emotional reconnection techniques to break your ex boyfriend or girlfriend out of that cycle.

Learning these methods can bring even the most deeply-buried feelings and attachments back to the surface, where your ex is forced to face them, process them, and deal with them. This breaks down barriers that prevent your ex from wanting you back, and makes them more open to the idea of reversing the breakup.

Ex Back System

Face it: "Let's be friends" is a copout. It's a way for your ex to let you go gradually instead of all at once, which would be harder for them.

Worst of all, it gives your ex an advantage over you... and the quicker you are to agree to such a friendship, the harder it will be to break OUT of that friendship - move away from being the platonic friend - and ultimately get back together again.

So... when your ex wants to be friends with you, what should you do?

What actions will help stop and reverse the breakup?   Let's find out:

Exactly What to Do When Your Ex Wants to Be Friends

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The Magic of Making Up